no sleep nights

My girls are doing so well i and feel like a mess. I feel like i am constantly fighting back tears. I dont want the girls to see me cry if i am an emotional mess how can that help them. I did have a total cry out this afternoon but it could only last for like 2 minutes cause I heard Lily come up. It felt good too. I think if i do that i will be ok. Frank tells me to be strong for them and that is what i am trying to do. I have my mom to be strong for me. Who is strong for Frank though right now when he is by himself?
He told me that he is the one loosing the 3 of us. And he is so right. Then i cry some more for him. I thought that he was fine. I didnt see him cry and he smiled as he went down onto the ramp to the plane. I guess i was wrong though. He called me today and he is sad and he didnt want to leave. He only leaves cause his men are over there and it is his duty.
Then he says that it wasnt a good flight. Something about the people but he wouldnt tell me exactly what. And that just makes me mad. How can people who saw you and your family saying good bye seeing us cry treat a soldier that defends their country with such little respect. People like that dont know patrisom. But that is me being jugemental and i need to stop and ask God for forgiveness and forgive those who act like that.
I miss him. The girls miss him. It will get easier again but for now it will be rocky.
I had the best sleep in 9 months these past 2 weeks. ( i say 9 cuz the 2 months befor he left were hard too).
So that is day one. On and off crying. Kind of in denial that he is really gone but then realizing that i am going to be sleeping alone again. The girls dont get to say goodnight to him again and that the 16 days of heaven have come to an end. So now we enter the 2 nd half the home stretch. With God leading our way.